No Jollof for You…

Imagine this…Imagine attending a Nigerian party and the host says:

“No jollof for you.”

How would you react? One of the following would be your response:

“Iro, ko possible!”

“Tufia! Which kind nonsense be that?”

If you want to be polite, you could say:

“Bring wetin dey, I go manage am.”

Ain’t no Nigerian party, without jollof.


Jollof rice presents, with its firewood sensation, tomato sauces and spices, a compendium of emotions, a conduit for steamy camaraderie and sparks conversations that pounded yam and egusi or eba and okro soup wouldn’t  dare to produce. Everyone knows this. Even foreigners.

So, it’s not a surprise to see CNN’s Richard Quest start his recent assignment to Lagos by tasting Nigerian jollof. Venue was Terra Kulture. Jollof served. And, after placing seven grains of rice in his mouth, he quipped in his typical kolo fashion:

“It’s just rice.”

To which someone replied:

“Your father yansh. It’s just rice ke?”

Or, maybe not.

Quest’s response is what can make a host say: “No jollof for you.” There might be another reason he described it as “just rice”. E fit be say the food no sweet. I mean who goes to the posh side of town to enjoy jollof. Someone should take him to White House, Yaba or somewhere around Obalende under bridge to taste jollof rice. I bet he’d NEVER say such nonsense. Nonsense.

His jollof research re-opened the #jollofwars. Questions arose about who made the best jollof: Ghanians or Nigerians. The people took to twitter again to report to him who made the best jollof. Comman see fight on twitter. It was funny to watch. Oyibo people can turn black people head sha. I’m sure Quest must be laughing at our idleness.

The matter escalated when he asked Nigeria’s Minister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed, who made the best jollof rice and oga minister said: 


Senegal loun-loun!

Twitter went on fire again. All kind of abuse were poured on minister. Shet men, it was too much.

Quest quickly, like a referee, defended the minister. Saying blah-blah-blah. Quest, Nigerians can’t blame you jere. You’ve come to do your work for your company. Oya, do it and comman go to Amrika. Please. And next time, no jollof for you! Shior!


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